TIP 14. The Fear Coach Essential Tips

What does the fearful child need to learn from his 'success coach?

1. The young child needs to learn new self-talk to the effect that it's all right to feel scared and that they can cope. The older child may also be taught to dispute her own negative thoughts (that just because the fearful feeling feels bad and horrible, the real-life event may not actually be bad and horrible).

2. The child needs to learn that there is a difference between real and imaginary, and that she can learn ways to check out the difference. For instance, if she imagines fearful things in the dark, she can turn on a light and check the cupboards and under the bed.

3. The child needs to learn how to monitor her level of fear and to remind herself, I can notice my fear go down when I remember my fear-buster plan.

4. The child needs to learn that she is not helpless when afraid, but can help herself to feel better by thinking calm thoughts and trying out practical plans using the Twelve Good Ideas For Busting Fears (see below).

5. The child needs to learn that she can be more in charge of herself when she learns to put her plan into practice.

6. The child should be encouraged to give herself a mental 'pat on the back' when she has successfully worked on the fear.

Congratulations! You are now an expert in understanding, managing, and preventing fears in children. Now that you know all you need to know, apply that knowledge as best you can. Trust that you will also intuitively know what to say, and when and how to handle situations when your child is afraid. Obviously, you are a caring parent. You deserve to acknowledge yourself! Thank you for your commitment to helping your child learn to cope with fear.

Parenting is the hardest job we ever undertake, and the one for which we get the least training and no pay!

The next section of this book is for children. If your child is not yet reading independently, you can show the cartoons and either read the stories to the child or tell the stories in your own words. Children aged eight or more will probably prefer to read the three stories and make their fear-buster plans by themselves. Remember, keep reading and discussion to daylight hours so your perspective on fears can be maintained. The 'Good Ideas for Busting Fears' list gives strategies that can be adapted to use with any fears, worries, problems or upsets. Remember, too, that the 'Good Ideas for Busting Fears' list can be just as useful for you! Adapt the strategies in both the parent and child sections of this book to any problem, and you can be a 'Fear-buster Supreme' along with your child!